My Breast Are NOT Lucky Packets!

Over the past 2 weeks, I’ve been told by three different people on three different occasions, how “lucky” I am to still be able to breastfeed my 8-month-old daughter.  By the third time I wanted to run over, tackle them to the floor and squeeze the live out of them with my bare hands.  Okay, I know that sounds a bit like over reacting, and perhaps a tad psychotic.  In my defense, at that point I had not been sleeping for 3 days; was suffering from severe sinusitis; taking care of a sick baby along with two older children and handling my third crisis of the day at work and the clock had not even struck 09:00 yet.  In short, it was a bad day for a comment that would silently still tick me off on a good day.

Sadly, some women are never able to breastfeed, because their bodies simply do not produce any milk. (Although in many cases a committed lactation consultant can really help with this.)  For us “lucky” ones who are able to breastfeed it is roller coaster ride that only another breastfeeding mom can understand.

I’ve often found that from the outside, the world (the world being anyone who’s never gone the breastfeeding route) view us in two different ways: either they envy the fact that you’re able to breastfeed when they couldn’t or they judge you for doing so and am glad they don’t have to deal with “that” on top of every other aspect of parenting.

•         What they don’t see is the exhaustion from sharing all your body’s nutrients with another human being and struggling to keep up.
•          They don’t see the cracked or bleeding nipples, because you’re struggling to get your baby to latch correctly and often just let them suck, no matter how much pain you’re in, just to know that at least they got something in that tiny little stomach.
•         They don’t feel the flush of emotion overload that hits you like a tsunami just a moment before a let-down (when the milk comes into the breast before a feeding); or the excruciating pain in your breasts that comes with every let down.  This often happens up to 12 times in 24 hours, depending on the age of your baby.
•         They don’t know the pain of an engorged breast on the verge of turning into Mastitis, that hurts so much that the near thought of something or someone touching it makes you want to pee your pants.  Yet the only way to get relieve is to get the milk out of there!  Oh and of course it is too engorged for baby to latch properly, which brings us right back to the cracked or bleeding nipples (while slowly peeing your pants).
•        They do not realise the thought that went into choosing your outfit for that night out with family or friends. Baby will need to drink soon, and you don’t want to pull your dress up from your ankles to feed her.  Sure, bottle feeding baby expressed milk for the night might sound like a great solution to that little problem.  Just as long as you time your pump session for right before you go out and don’t plan to stay out for longer than your 3-4 hour window before you’ll need to pump or feed again.  If you do stay out longer, you might be wearing the wrong colour top and everyone can now see your milk stains, because you leaked right through your very expensive adhesive breast pads that you can never seem to stick in the right place in your bra to make it look natural.
•         They have no clue about the mental commitment you make when your supply starts to drop and you so desperately want to increase it, because you’re not ready to give your precious baby the second best option of nutrition.  This leads to eating and drinking all sorts of potions and remedies in hopes that something will make you wake up with an engorged breast and give you hope.  Just so you can deal with that again.  This also means pumping every few hours, even when you only get a drop or two out and it hurts like hell, because you know that every bit of stimulation can help increase your supply.
•         Then of course we have the night feeds. Here you have a few options, if you bed share, you might be able to put baby on the breast and continue with a good night’s sleep.  However, if your baby is anything like my children, trying to mountain climb over everything supposed to be preventing their fall and then diving head first into a stone-and-concrete floor, that option might not get you much rest.  Instead you’re always half asleep and never really getting any rest.
•         Ah and don’t we all love a good growth spurt, cluster feeding, teething, sick babies, the list continues.

I have been close to giving my daughter formula as supplementation, so many times out of desperation for sleep and sanity.  “Luckily” the only time I went so far as to buy a can and prepare a bottle, she refused to take a single sip.  She was spoilt.  She knew she had access to the good stuff.

Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love our breastfeeding journey and will be heartbroken the day she decides to wean.  I love the fact that the time we spent nursing, is a bonding experience she will never have with anyone else.

Is it hard work? Hell yeah!

Is it worth it? Absolutely! Its worth a thousand more cracked nipples and sleepless nights.

I am very blessed to still be able to breastfeed my 8-month-old daughter.  One thing I am not, is lucky.  I worked my butt off to get this far.  I have cried, yelled, cursed and given up out of frustration, desperation and a sense of failure.  Then I got right back up and said, “There will be a day when I will no longer breastfeed her, but that day, is not today.”

If you feel the need to comment on a mother’s breastfeeding journey, refrain from using the word “lucky”.  It diminishes everything she’s worked so hard for to achieve and I have yet to come across a mother whose journey was just smooth sailing.  Rather commend her for staying committed as long as she has, for putting in the time, the energy, the love into giving her baby the best she possibly can.